How is it October?
How has it been well over a week since I blogged?
How is it days before I pack up my life and move apartments?
How is it 2 weeks before I leave the country for an entire month?
How is that my new little niece will be here in less than 2 months?
WHAT. THE. HECK.
Dear Life/Tonhya,
Please slow down. Pretty please.
I ask you this all the time…but this time I reaaaally mean it. You’re moving too fast and I can’t catch up. Weeks are blurring together. Days are going by in the blink of an eye. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m trying. I’m trying to be quicker, better, more balanced. I really am trying. This is all still new to me and I’m figuring it out. I’m learning so much and I’m taking notes…things to do, things not to do. I know I’m not the only one, right?
I’ve found myself in a funny place. I hear it’s called a “rut”. I tend to get this way when I’ve put too much on my plate. Yes, I said it…I’m keepin it real, I’ve put too much on my plate…but I don’t want to come off as complaining. I’m not. I’ve let one of my favorite things turn into a “chore” and I’ve pushed it to the back burner. Blogging that is…I use to blog freely. I use to blog without thinking or caring about who would read it. I use to blog as a way of expressing myself, writing out feelings, sharing pointless discoveries, and just connecting with people. I use to blog images proudly and now I’m always second guessing myself. I’ve fallen into the sick trap of seeking approval through what images I blog. What an awful little place to be stuck in. The constant worry, the over-thinking…how silly. I thought I knew better.
And what’s with feeling like I’m walking in someone else’s shadow? I know the consequences of letting myself compare to others, yet I do it…over and over again. Sometimes I worry it will never go away. That’s just the honest truth. Like I said, I’m still figuring it out…I’m trying to surround myself by those who I feel I can let those walls down with. Those who love me regardless. I’m embracing that it’s okay not to be everyone’s cup of tea. I’m even carrying this over into my business…I know I’m not for everyone. But when I do find those couples who love me, something magical happens. That’s the way it should be…that’s the way it will be from here on out.
A letter to myself just makes sense right now. I know it’s all over the place…I know it’s not perfect. I know I’m a work in progress…and that this whole “owning and running a business” thing will always be a challenge. It’ll get easier. Things will iron out. Right?
And Tonhya, you WILL get back to a place where blogging was fun. A place where you write freely and openly. A place where you’re not comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people will think/say. That place is a nice place…I can’t wait to get back to that place.
Yours truly,
Tonhya
xoxo.
I get you, but you shouldn’t worry, your blog is one of the few I go to each week and I’m coming to read it from the UK! I love your stuff!
Dear Tonhya,
You are awesome. Don’t forget that.
::slap:: ….. you need to stop. you’re fantastic. your work is fantastic. your blogging is fantastic. however, i always relate to these blogs you write about “life”…. so I guess i should also slap myself as well.
just know, you are exactly where you should be in life.
P.S. – that was a “love” slap that i gave you.
Oh sissy…you’re so tough on yourself (wonder where you get that from? ;). You do so much. You love so good. I’m in the ‘unconditional’ camp, so just know I’m so proud of you. This is a tough business, and you do amazing. I’m thankful for your great clients/friends/travels/heart/everything. Love you.
okay i think this picture is proof you are not walking in someone else’s shadow. this is such a gorgeous photo Tonhya!
Oh Tonhya,
I am so proud of you!! And yes I do think you probably are in the fast lane but look what you have accomplished at such a young age…deep breath and have the best vacation ever!!!
Love,
Debbie
I appreciate the vulnerability, Tonhya. The beauty of God is thrilled with YOU as your are, your messiness, struggles and all. His love is free, unconditional for his children, it’s making us better. I recommend you check out a short, refreshing read called The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness: The Path to True Christian Joy. It’s like 50 pages but a good meditation on letting go of self. Cheers, Matt
You get it girl. The only way to eat the elephant is one bite at a time.
I am always encouraged by your honesty. And your beautiful work.
sincerely,
a fan from Texas
Your honesty and authenticity are what God uses to make you phenomenal. Keep rocking on.
This is the first time I ever read anything from your blog, and let me tell you, I’m already hooked. I can’t wait to go through it and see what else there is to see. I can relate to your experience so well! I pray God gives you the strength and success in what you’re doing. You’re one of my newest inspirations!
i think i needed to read this. i’ve been feeling the same way, just not to the same extent (since i’m REALLY just starting out with this photography work). but you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone…you’ve got this! your work is inspiring.
a fan from missouri. 🙂
Tonhya your work is beautiful! God has blessed you with a wonderful gift … Eyes to see and capture special moments which your clients will treasure forever. What a gift to share. Don’t compare yourself to others just look to Jesus and trust His plan for you. And you are right … Life goes by fast so be sure to enjoy right where you are. Live one day at a time for each day is a gift. Loved meeting you but only wish I could have visited more. Enjoy your month of travel!
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